There’s often a fine line between the wedding you’ve always wanted and the wedding that your mother never had and the one she’s always dreamed you’d have because of it. Many mothers-of-the-bride are more than excited for their daughters, while at the same time, living a bit vicariously through her. This is all fine and dandy, until what she wants and what you want are almost polar opposites. As a wedding planner, it’s not uncommon to be faced with this scenario and many times we may have to step in as “counselor” because of it.
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Who’s wedding is it really? Well, as much as I’d like to say it’s your wedding, we have to also take mom’s opinion into consideration. When your mom is footing the bill, she definitely feels that her opinion should be heavily considered. Today’s brides are accessing blogs, Pinterest, Instagram, and dozens of new magazines for wedding inspiration, further creating distance between the old and the new. It’s my job to create the perfect wedding while keeping your interests a priority and also striking the perfect compromise so that ultimately, the you get the wedding you've always dreamed of.
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If you’ve found yourself in this situation, there are a few things that you could do to make it a little less stressful.
- Communication is key. Let mom know what you’ve always dreamed of for your wedding. You should look back at your wedding day and be happy with the photographs and have the same feeling on the day that you took them. You greatly appreciate your mom by your side throughout the planning process, but a gentle reminder that it’s your wedding should help.
- Include mom in the decisions where you value her opinion the most, such as purchasing your wedding gown. This makes her feel as though she’s helping and is a part of the planning process.
- Utilize your wedding planner. As mentioned earlier, your wedding planner is a great buffer between you and your mother. If things get too difficult for you to say, your wedding planner can and should take on that task for you.
- Put mom to work. When your mother is occupied with specific tasks and details of your wedding, such as the bridal shower or RSVP’s, she’s less likely to interfere with the choices you’re making.
- Contribute to the cost of your wedding. When you’re footing a portion of the bill, mom is less likely to dominate and make the decisions during your vendor meetings. She’ll understand that she’ll have to relinquish some control.
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Hopefully these tips will help you have the wedding of your dreams while including your mom along the way. Happy planning!